Unleash The Dancing Bear

Our grumpy GOATs are beside themselves this week, marveling at what their younger selves would think about leading off with a love letter to women’s college basketball — razor eyelashes notwithstanding — and relating Iowa vs. LSU to “Beyonce vs. Taylor Swift in a shake-off” (Curry Kirkpatrick, of course), as well as making a speed bump out of the NCAA for slighting the women with janky three-point lines in Portland. 

The men get their due, even if UConn’s dominance has curbed Curry’s enthusiasm for the Final Four somewhat, with cheers for N.C. State “Fatty Bear” DJ Burns Jr., jeers for Dookie Kyle Filipowski, and admiration for Alabama and Purdue. 

Coach Rich Basirico’s favorite pastime of ragging on the Yankees might be on the back-burner with Juan Soto in the Bronx, but former ESPN SportsCenter anchor Bob Stevens pushes the rest of the league under the bus for not signing the Childish Bambino and laments the $973M being paid to MLB players who won’t play this season.  

Plus, no one can remember who sang “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” All on this week’s episode of Under The Bus!